What The Crying Selfie Says About Our Mental Health

One of the most common criticisms of Instagram — and social media platforms in general – is that it is a highlight reel, encouraging others to compare their lives to only the most beautiful, filtered, and fleeting moments in those of others. As a reflection of our collective craving of authenticity, in the past few years many people online have made efforts to rebel against this carefully curated social media aesthetic. Blurry, low-res photo dumps of everyday moments have been spreading across our feeds and TikTok has taken off as the Gen-Z platform of choice, with a recent study showing people view the app as more authentic.

It’s natural that the final stage in the revolt against curation would be social media becoming a “lowlights” reel – a place to share our worst and most vulnerable moments. Enter the crying selfie. While crying on the internet is not new (think of the infamous “leave Britney alone” video), it’s only become socially acceptable in recent years. On TikTok, crying in videos is a common occurrence, along with other candid mental health content like people sharing their “depression rooms”. Lizzo even posted a crying video singing Billie Eilish’s “Happier Than Ever” on TikTok over the weekend.

Then there’s supermodel Bella Hadid’s recent series of crying selfies, which she posted on Instagram. “This is pretty much my everyday, every night for a few years now. Social media is not real. For anyone struggling, please remember that,” she wrote in the caption. Bella was both meme-ified and praised across the internet for speaking so candidly about her mental health and posting authentic photos. But will sharing our worst moments in the form of an intentionally-captured crying selfie actually lead to better mental health discussions online?

Twenty-six-year-old stylist and model Imaan Sayed says that seeing Bella Hadid posting crying photos helps her to see beyond the mirage of her perfect life. “I feel confident in my vulnerability, and as someone who has experienced anxiety and depression it helps me feel less isolated,” she told Vogue. Sayed says she posts crying selfies to her Instagram story, her “finsta” account, and Twitter as a release. “Because crying is all part of the human experience and also because it’s real,” she says. “Maybe subconsciously it’s to get attention, but I’m also used to sharing almost everything online. Why not this? And because I’m a pretty crier.”

Sayed isn’t alone in sharing everything online, and yet a recent leak from Facebook exposed that the company knows Instagram is bad for teenage girls’ mental health. Research linking social media to a rise in mental health disorders in teens backs this up, with another 2018 study finding that the less time people spend on social media, the fewer symptoms of depression and loneliness they feel. So if breakdowns continue to trend on social media, are we both fuelling the very source of our mental health issues, and turning to it as a means of relief?

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In what seems like a cycle where only the tech moguls benefit from our continuous engagement –whether with highlights or lowlights content – Dr Monica Johnson, founder and psychologist at Kind Mind Psychology, recommends using social media to turn to online mental health communities, popular therapists, and mental health advocate social media accounts instead. She also says she would recommend we all get less screen time, but recognises this can be tricky for someone born in the 2000s to get their head around. 

“There are situations in which seeing this content [crying selfies] online could be validating for others, but keep in mind that it could be triggering as well,” she told Vogue. “I would suggest applying filters that allow friends to opt into this content and keeping it to an audience that you can trust is safe. Because it’s not simply about getting support, it’s about getting the right support. Above all, seek the help you need professionally and get a therapist.”

While it’s evident that putting crying selfies out into the void might not get us any closer to better mental health habits, or substantial help on an individual level, they can play a role in destigmatising mental health issues. For Los Angeles-based model and creative director Viorel Tanase, this is especially important for men. “The stigmas that tend to be forced upon men is to behave in such a manner that separates them from the nature of being human,” he told Vogue. “I like to remind people that I’m human, and crying is something that has been my catharsis.” Tanase posted a crying selfie for his 23rd birthday last month, saying that he wanted to show moments that he cherished from the past year.

There’s no doubt that the highlight reel aesthetic on social media wasn’t doing any of us any good. It’s also clear that candid posts around the subject can continue to destigmatise mental health issues. But the paradox is this: we’re starting to post crying selfies and our breakdowns on social media because we’re feeling alone, and yet it is social media itself that often exacerbates our feelings of loneliness, according to studies.

“The message of ‘it’s okay to not be okay’ leaves out what we do when we’re not okay, and I feel [it] should also be added to that conversation,” says psychotherapist Liz Beecroft. “It’s important that we also use our online platforms to educate others on how they can support the wellbeing and mental health of others, whether that be by sharing personal experiences, expertise from mental health professionals, or sharing resources that are credible.”

With that in mind, crying selfies and curated authenticity are just the most recent social media trends designed to keep us all on the apps. By all means post a photo with tears rolling down your face to your Instagram feed, but then also go for a walk with a friend, or call a mental health professional. After all, the only true antithesis to a curated online existence is in-person interactions, and the very root of our rising mental health issues cannot also provide a solution.