This was published 11 months ago
Opinion
Unfit for a king: Sorry Charles, Coronation Quiche is gross
Thomas Mitchell
Culture reporterSpare a thought for Royal Chef Mark Flanagan, who was probably standing in his royal pantry surrounded by so many delicious royal ingredients when he received word from the royal messenger (I presume that’s a job) that a decision had been made.
After much deliberation, King Charles III had settled on his signature coronation dish, a dish that would usher in a bold new chapter for the monarch, representing an energised and modern crown.
King Charles had 70 years to pick a Coronation meal that would usher in a brave new era for the Monarch. Instead, he landed on the most disgusting dish ever created. Credit: Marija Ergecovac
A dish that … oh wait, he’s opted for a quiche.
The Coronation Quiche (are there three less inspiring words?) is the dish specifically chosen by Charles to celebrate his ascension to the throne and will be served at a series of “Coronation Big Lunches” taking place across Britain on Sunday, May 7, to mark the occasion.
According to the official royal website, the dish “a deep quiche with a crisp, light pastry case and delicate flavours of Spinach, Broad Beans and fresh Tarragon. Eat hot or cold with a green salad and boiled new potatoes.”
A meal fit for a king? This disappointing quiche will be served across the UK on the day of King Charles’ coronation.
There are a few issues here that we need to address immediately.
Firstly, describing spinach, broad beans and fresh tarragon as delicate flavours is kind of like describing Prince Andrew as “the cheeky royal.” A dash of spin and a pinch of delusion.
Secondly, forcing your subjects to spend their Sunday eating boiled new potatoes is madness. It’s really not that hard to roast a potato; I bet Mark Flanagan does it all the time when Charles is out of town.
Finally, if you’re so desperate to make your coronation meal a dish featuring light pastry and spinach, then the obvious choice is to opt for a Coronation Spanakopita.
The Greek spinach pie is universally loved, can be eaten hot or cold, and is a nice nod to Prince Philip’s oft-forgotten Greek heritage.
But the biggest issue with the quiche is the message it sends. Quiche is an afterthought, an accompaniment, the meal your parents toss together at the end of a long week using whatever pathetic ingredients are left in the fridge.
“We’re having Coronation Quiche tonight, and if I hear one bad word about it, no one gets any Coronation Dessert.”
I think I speak for everyone when I say that a quiche is not a main meal, let alone a dish fit for a Coronation. At a time when the royal family’s reputation is on unsteady ground, a quiche feels as flaky as the light pastry it is made from.
Even more frustrating is that Charles has access to some of the world’s great cuisines.
A recent photo of Charles pointing to a dish that is no doubt ten times better than Coronation Quiche.
What is the point of colonising all the tastiest countries if quiche is the best you can come up with when it matters most? The British ruled India, Pakistan and Bangladesh from 1858 until 1947, yet we’re stuck with tarragon as the lead herb.
Imagine how exciting a Coronation Dahl or Coronation Karahi could’ve been.
The Queen served something vaguely colonial in 1953 with Coronation Chicken, a meat dish made from an Indian-inspired creamy curry sauce.
Sure, the meal features both mayonnaise and apricots, a disgusting combination, but there’s a bit of historical heft to it.
To a particular demographic (my mother, your mother, and their mothers), Coronation Chicken remains a much-loved classic from the Women’s Weekly cookbook era, a time when subtle flavours were out, and heavy sauces were in.
I don’t see the Coronation Quiche having similar longevity, nor does the Palace. Perhaps predicting that the dish would be met with muted curiosity, the Palace website explained that it was chosen specifically for its adaptability, affordability and ease of sharing.
However, in a spectacular case of the royal family failing to read the room - or at least, the news - the UK is currently in the grip of an egg crisis due to an avian flu outbreak last year.
One of the key ingredients in quiche is eggs, and right now, they’re either hard to come by or incredibly pricey.
This fun fact renders the entire “Let Them Eat Quiche” experiment an expensive and disappointing waste of time, which in certain circles, seems an apt way to describe the monarch.
While Coronation Quiche might be enough to convince me it’s time to become a Republic, perhaps all is not lost. Prince George is second in line to the throne, and according to the Daily Mail, the future king’s favourite food is spaghetti carbonara.
Coronation Carbonara? Now that’s a dish fit for a king.
Find more of the author’s work here. Email him at thomas.mitchell@smh.com.au or follow him on Instagram at @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.
The Booklist is a weekly newsletter for book lovers from books editor Jason Steger. Get it delivered every Friday.